My confidence has taken a knock and I wonder what I am doing here. Dolores has a sickening grip on my head as well as my back at present. I crawl out of bed with stiff limbs, hip joints aching from supporting my little body and dry, dark smudges under my eyes. I’m badly dehydrated. My first shower after being confined to bed for a couple of days is bliss.
I walk to the shop to restock on water - it’s a beautiful sunny day outside but I don’t have the energy to do any more than return to lie on the sofa.
I’m feeling sorry for myself and thank god for Radio 4 via the internet.
Doctor’s advice is not to let pain rule you because of the link between one’s state of mind and pain. But how can you not? If I do less during the day than I would have done when I was well, to try to limit the pain, then she has won by limiting me. If I push myself to do more, I end up in pain, so she’s still won. It’s a lose lose situation, and it’s so hard not to let it grind you down.
Sometimes I don’t recognise myself any more.
Katy
(H is for Highways of my Life - Isley Brothers)
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