K is for knowledge

I feel old.

I look terrible.

I thought that by changing my surroundings I would feel different, start to mend. But it’s me that needs to change, not my surroundings. My surroundings are highlighting my weaknesses and I am frustrated at how much I cannot do. It’s such a cliché, but I never thought this would happen to me. Sometimes I feel such a failure. I never thought I would be unable to work, unable to get out of bed some days.

And I don’t want to wallow in self pity. It’s just that sometimes I get scared.

Everything is a question.
Why me?
Why did it start?
What caused it?
Why don’t they know?
Why won’t it stop?
Will it ever stop?
Will I always be like this?
What does it feel like not to be in pain?

It has been suggested that I ditch Dolores. It’s a wonderful idea, she has definitely outstayed her welcome. But that leads to another question.

How?

Katy

(K is for Koko - Goldfrapp)